This is just another night.
I am alone in my room, starring at the dark sky through the window. Moon is hiding somewhere I don't know, maybe too lazy to just pop up in the sky. I'm walking downstairs, house is actually empty. The only sound I can hear is my footsteps. I don't know where they are going. Or maybe I just don't care.

Suddenly night is calling me. I don't know how to accept yet to reject, but I know night is calling me. It forces me to do something. Escape. Run. Or simply to make this is not just another night.

I forgot if I closed the door or not but now I'm walking down the neighborhood. Some of people are having their family time in their home. Most of them are just laughing while watching television, I assume. Trees are dancing with wind. Four kids are playing with fireworks, they are laughing, one of them is wearing Superman costume. That's all I can see so far.

What do people usually do to moving on? I ask to myself. They say I just need some time, some fresh air, or just some new men. Bullshits. I just need... him.

Then here I am. In the corner where we met for the first time. I still remember you were wearing white tshirt and blue skinny jeans, holding a black holga, alone. You were starring at architectural building across the street through your glasses. You smiled like found something good. A good thing that you're the only one who understand it.

"What are you doing in a night like this, young lady?"

I'm freezing at where I stand up. Too scared to know who the hell is talking to me.

"The wind is crazy. You could be ill. You are not even wearing a jacket or whatever. Don't you feel cold?"

I'm turning my body, slowly. There. A boy, or a man, about three to five years older than me, is standing and smiling.

"Are you afraid of me?" he asked. I shake my head. "Not really."
He laughs. He knows I'm afraid of him.

"You are escaping, aren't you?"
I nodded. "Yeah, sort of."
"I guess this is about love. Ah, women.." he giggles. "And this is one of your memorable place eh? Like your first meet?" add him.

"Who are you?" I ask, carefully.
He giggles, again. "Finally you asked that question. Well, I'm a mind reader."
I'm shocked. "W-w-hat?"
"Joking, young lady. Life's easy, don't take it seriously."

"Life is easy for people who have no problem. For me, life's hard."

"Everyone has their own problem, you silly. But some of them know how to solve it, some of them just... don't know what to do, like you. When problems were created, actually They also created the solutions."

"Nonsense." I more to murmur.

"You are nonsense. You just stuck in this problem, you stuck with this man. If you stuck in a point, your life will not moving in. It like stops. You're going nowhere. You have to press the play button again. Time flies so fast nowadays. If you just stop, you can't run chasing the time."

"But I can't. I'm not moving. I need him." I shout.

He looks at me, then smiles. "You don't need him, you need love."

"Fuck."

"Don't swear, young lady. Don't swear. When people say right things about you, don't swear. I know you just try to hide your weakness by swearing. I promise everything will be okay, someday. After you press the play button, and start over your life. Don't waste your life, you're still young. You will find another good things. Good love is on the way."

I look at the sky. Dark. Still dark. Still no moon. But some stars are sparkling there. I smile, suddenly. I don't know why but I smile.

"Is he fine there?" ask me. I still look at the sky, looking for something I don't really know, but I can feel it. I think I can feel the one I'm looking for. He's there, he's always there. And fine.

"Noone knows. But I think you know it."

"He's smiling at me." I giggle. The conversation turns to be silly. This is like reading teenlit.

"I'm smiling at you too," he says, calmly.

"How many girls melted after listening to your words?" ask me. I don't really listen what he just said.

"Noone. I'm a gay."

"What the--? Are you serious?"

"I think you take everything seriously."

"Are you..." I pause, look through his brown eyes. I know there'll be something weird on my voice, "an angel?"

He smiles, mysteriously. "I thought you ain't a religious one, young lady. I know you don't believe with heaven things."

"So, once again, who are you?" I'm curious. This is not good. I don't even know what kind of thing I'm talking to.

"You will know. Soon. When you open your eyes."

--
a night escape after webprog class. damn you gatot. I feel like hell is around me every Tuesday. bloody fcking Tuesday.

I was about ten years old when JK Rowling shared her imaginations about that wizard boy. As a kid, I could live in that story. I could feel how it's living in Hogwarts, learning magic, or fighting with Voldemort. Even when I was alone, I acted AS IF I was one of Hogwarts student.

Couple years later, Harry Potter finally was on movie. I was amazed with the cinematography. UK is awesome. Beautiful. You named it. I even can't find the right word to explain how amazing UK is. Then, couple years later, my uncle married a British woman. He and his wife went to England to had a wedding party. He's back with lot stories; He said 'Hogwarts' really does exist, he even had a party there. He also showed me England's pictures. I was shocked. UK is really beautiful. Indeed. Since then, I really want to go to UK.

Most of my favorite music are from British. The Beatles, Coldplay, Oasis, Keane, Blur, James Morrisson, Radiohead, Ash. Sometimes the first reason I hear new music is just because they're from British. Once again, just because they come from UK.

Please don't hate me because I don't think that French is the sexiest accent in this world. British accent is. I always buy DVDs, spontantly, after I read that the movie is British, or at least the actor speaks with British accent. Everytime I watch movie with British accent in it, I repeat it. I repeat what the actors say, try to learn how to speak with British accent. Yes, I wish I could speak with british accent.

Two of my favorite actors are from British; Jim Sturgess and Jude Law. Why? Simply because they have the accent. It sounds sexy in my ears, beside they're indeed sexy too.

And about a month ago, a friend of mine told me about this series. Skins. It's a British series, she said, so that I was too curious to watch. Since the series didn't and still doesn't play in here, Indonesia, I have to look for the DVD. The other day, I went to DVD stores and had to squat down and crawl on the floor looking for the DVD. The shopkeepers didn't put the DVD on the 'eye-catching' place.

When I got home, I watched Skins. This series is--addictive. Nothing to say more. I was too excited to hear the british accent from the actors, the story, and the scenery of Bristol. It's more than beautiful. It's amazing. I felt like I wanna jump into television to be there. To live there. Or just visit there--and taking lots pictures.

and Oh, week ago, Luke Pasqualino, one of Skins cast, my most favorite cast, the cute one, with curl lips and sexy eyes, sent me message on facebook. I almost fainted when I read this.

How could I not want to go to UK?

I was not to not trying to go there. I asked my mom like billion times but she doesn't let me go. I looked for scholarship, but still can't find for in-college-students. Even there's a saleswoman still terrors me, forces me to join her 'Go-to-UK-for-months' but I should sell my Dad's car to join it.

As times fly, I still only dream living in UK. My mom said, if you dream it, dream it to the fullest. Maybe God still wants me to live in Indonesia. but maybe someday, two years later.. or more.. I could live there. Take my bachelor degree or whatever. This is just about the game of life. This is me, my dream, and how I find the pathways to win this part of game.

And if you need only one sentence the reason why I really want to study in UK, I find one.
I'm obsessed with British.
Enough said.

--

this would be the end of everything.
so why don't we go somewhere only we know?