but like Glee casts say,
You can't always get what you want!
I know it's damn true. Yet it hurts.

and no, it's not about tangerine, again.

His name is Kafka.
He's just a common boy with a common thoughts. His height is average for Indonesian. He's white. He's wearing glasses. He loves The Cure and The Smiths so that he listens them thousand times a day. Summary, he's just another boy.

But that doesn't mean he doesn't have story to share.

"Her name is Alice," Kafka started to share, "She has the most beautiful smile I've ever seen. She's brown. She loves reading J.D. Salinger--at least I saw her reading Salinger's books more than 10 times."

Sun is up today, it's hot outside. It should be a rainy season. But instead of rain, sun is showing its existence everyday. Kafka lits his cigarette. He said he's hungry.

"I see life is unfair. Life is fucked up. Well, I don't know if another's but mine is. I feel like, God doesn't want to let me have what I want. He just there, watching my steps but still doesn't let me get a better life. I'm on a long road of life. And it ain't a good journey, tell ya. When I'm tired, I see no orange juice on my way. I just see water, a hot one, with no taste. So that means I can't really get my energy back. You know what I mean, right?"

"It started 2 years ago. When I see Alice on the train station. She was a highschooler, a sophomore. She was like an Oasis at the desert. She's green in the yellow. She's an eclipse on the dark night. She's different. She colors my day. I lead my curiousity when I see her. Thing that died since years ago."

"Yes, I was a monotone person. Colorblind. I saw everything's just black or white. I thought we're just living in a greyscale world. My mom died. I didn't get college what I want since JHS. My bestfriend took my girlfriend. Dad got along with girls everynight, sometimes they're sleeping in my room. Brother failed UAN, and he didn't want to re-UAN. He just wanted to live what he want to live. Those made me dying. I feel I had no reason to live gratefully. I feel I didn't wanna know what future brings me into."

"But then Alice came, it feels like 'Hey, you just feel unhappy at most of your lifetime, that makes you're colorblind'. And yeah, since I saw her colorwheels, I see life is rather colorful."

"What you see inside my life? Nothing eh. Nothing to envy. It's plain. It hurts. It's weird, sometimes. It's sick. I know I can't just be complaining, I should be grateful but whatever. I deserve a better life, don't I? I could complain it sometimes, right? I'm a human. And somehow I see people act like they're not human. I hate it."

NOTHING HAPPIER THAN THIS!! SKINS SERIES 4! YAYY for those who want to download (Indonesian only) here the download link. Leave me comment if you're confused to download. cheers!

ps: I LOVE Luke Pasqualino MORE AND MORE TONIGHT!! :3

when everything seems blur,

just change the focus
to make it clear.

what's your 2010 resolution?