when everything seems blur,just change the focus
to make it clear.
what's your 2010 resolution?
to make it clear.
what's your 2010 resolution?
I can't even touch you.
This is just another night.
I am alone in my room, starring at the dark sky through the window. Moon is hiding somewhere I don't know, maybe too lazy to just pop up in the sky. I'm walking downstairs, house is actually empty. The only sound I can hear is my footsteps. I don't know where they are going. Or maybe I just don't care.
Suddenly night is calling me. I don't know how to accept yet to reject, but I know night is calling me. It forces me to do something. Escape. Run. Or simply to make this is not just another night.
I forgot if I closed the door or not but now I'm walking down the neighborhood. Some of people are having their family time in their home. Most of them are just laughing while watching television, I assume. Trees are dancing with wind. Four kids are playing with fireworks, they are laughing, one of them is wearing Superman costume. That's all I can see so far.
What do people usually do to moving on? I ask to myself. They say I just need some time, some fresh air, or just some new men. Bullshits. I just need... him.
Then here I am. In the corner where we met for the first time. I still remember you were wearing white tshirt and blue skinny jeans, holding a black holga, alone. You were starring at architectural building across the street through your glasses. You smiled like found something good. A good thing that you're the only one who understand it.
"What are you doing in a night like this, young lady?"
I'm freezing at where I stand up. Too scared to know who the hell is talking to me.
"The wind is crazy. You could be ill. You are not even wearing a jacket or whatever. Don't you feel cold?"
I'm turning my body, slowly. There. A boy, or a man, about three to five years older than me, is standing and smiling.
"Are you afraid of me?" he asked. I shake my head. "Not really."
He laughs. He knows I'm afraid of him.
"You are escaping, aren't you?"
I nodded. "Yeah, sort of."
"I guess this is about love. Ah, women.." he giggles. "And this is one of your memorable place eh? Like your first meet?" add him.
"Who are you?" I ask, carefully.
He giggles, again. "Finally you asked that question. Well, I'm a mind reader."
I'm shocked. "W-w-hat?"
"Joking, young lady. Life's easy, don't take it seriously."
"Life is easy for people who have no problem. For me, life's hard."
"Everyone has their own problem, you silly. But some of them know how to solve it, some of them just... don't know what to do, like you. When problems were created, actually They also created the solutions."
"Nonsense." I more to murmur.
"You are nonsense. You just stuck in this problem, you stuck with this man. If you stuck in a point, your life will not moving in. It like stops. You're going nowhere. You have to press the play button again. Time flies so fast nowadays. If you just stop, you can't run chasing the time."
"But I can't. I'm not moving. I need him." I shout.
He looks at me, then smiles. "You don't need him, you need love."
"Fuck."
"Don't swear, young lady. Don't swear. When people say right things about you, don't swear. I know you just try to hide your weakness by swearing. I promise everything will be okay, someday. After you press the play button, and start over your life. Don't waste your life, you're still young. You will find another good things. Good love is on the way."
I look at the sky. Dark. Still dark. Still no moon. But some stars are sparkling there. I smile, suddenly. I don't know why but I smile.
"Is he fine there?" ask me. I still look at the sky, looking for something I don't really know, but I can feel it. I think I can feel the one I'm looking for. He's there, he's always there. And fine.
"Noone knows. But I think you know it."
"He's smiling at me." I giggle. The conversation turns to be silly. This is like reading teenlit.
"I'm smiling at you too," he says, calmly.
"How many girls melted after listening to your words?" ask me. I don't really listen what he just said.
"Noone. I'm a gay."
"What the--? Are you serious?"
"I think you take everything seriously."
"Are you..." I pause, look through his brown eyes. I know there'll be something weird on my voice, "an angel?"
He smiles, mysteriously. "I thought you ain't a religious one, young lady. I know you don't believe with heaven things."
"So, once again, who are you?" I'm curious. This is not good. I don't even know what kind of thing I'm talking to.
"You will know. Soon. When you open your eyes."
--
a night escape after webprog class. damn you gatot. I feel like hell is around me every Tuesday. bloody fcking Tuesday.
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